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Title: Wow
Author: Beer Good
Rating: R
Pairing: Willow, Tara, Buffy, Faith in various permutations
Timeline: "Who Are You?"
Word count: About 3500 words. Holy crap.
Disclaimer: Joss is a respected writer who would never lower himself to writing this. I am not him, evidently. I own nothing, I earn nothing.
Summary: All Willow and Tara had to do was keep their hands off each other long enough to perform a spell to put Faith and Buffy back in each others' bodies. Now, really, how many ways can that go wrong? Well, quite a few, as it turns out...


The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me...

"The passage to the nether realm"? Right. As she and Tara joined hands and the energy shot through her, blowing out the top of her head and turning her insides (both upper and nether) to mushy warm tingly goodness, there was no doubt in Willow's mind what this feeling was. They both rode the same wave, coming together in every sense of the word in a way she had never imagined possible...

...yet not quite getting there. Just as they both thought they were about to, the vision came. Faith in Riley's arms, Buffy in chains. They woke up on Tara's floor, arms and legs like spaghetti, needing more.

"Buffy..." Willow panted.

Tara nodded shakily, her mouth almost too dry to speak. "A-and Faith. They've switched... They... oh God..." She exhaled, shuddering. "Wow."

And for Willow, the vision of sweaty out-of-breath flushed smoky-eyed Tara brought a flaming wreck of an end to weeks of conflicting emotions, not to mention 18 years of repressed kinda-gayness (Daphne-Pam Ewing-Scully-Buffy-Miss Calendar-Faith-(no not Faith Faith evil)-Tara-oh just KISS HER ALREADY). Willow reached out and pulled an all-too-willing Tara down over her and for several minutes, the world was just hands and mouths and skin and womanness and hands under clothes and kisses and gay love and bra straps goddamnit never opened one from this angle before and warmth and softness and Tara and things getting hotter and things getting buzzier and things getting wetter and then suddenly...



"M-maybe we should... mmmMm... stop?"

"What? No, no stop!"

"But... oh..." Tara pulled back, causing an annoyed whimper from Willow. "You... you saw the same thing I did, right? I know a spell that could -"

"Can't spell. Horny. H-o-r-n-e-y. More Tara."

Tara giggled, embarrassed (though that was far from the only reason she was out of breath and blushing) as she tried to extricate herself from the many hands of Willow. "For someone who's never done this before, you're, uh, pretty enthusiastic..." She dodged Willow's attempt at a lunge-kiss and instead placed a chaste one on her forehead. "It's not that I don't want to, Willow, I've been wanting this since we met... but do you really want to leave your friend in danger?"

Some part of Willow was jumping up and down with frustration yelling Yes! Yes! The hell with Buffy! Want Tara! but her better side managed to shut it up and pout. "Trust me to always fall for the responsible ones... Fine. Spell first, sapphic explorations later. Not too much later, though, right?"

Tara blushed even more.

And so once again they sat down indian-style, facing each other, a new bowl of herbs quietly smoldering as Tara chanted a simple verse to bring forth the draconian katra that would turn Buffy into Faith and vice versa except the other way around.

"Black to white and warm to cold
Good to bad and young to old
From night make day, from day make night
Bring the Slayers' truth to light."

Willow chanted gamely along, this being another one of those spells that called for two minds working in perfect syncronicity to have the desired effects – what are the odds, huh? Though her attention span was getting a severe workout. Right, Rosenberg, you mighty witch you. Focus. Need to help Buffy. Need to stop Faith. Best friend in the whole world, trapped in cleavagey slutbomb body. Buffy and Faith. Buffy and Faith? ...No. No way. Faith evil, remember? Plus Buffy would have told me. It's what friends do. Like I would tell Buffy if... no, wait. But Faith evil. But there was that time in class when she came to the window and... all those times they danced together at the Bronze, and... OK, enough, focus!

"Black to white and warm to cold
Good to bad and young to old
From night make day, from day make night
Bring the Slayers' truth to light."

Chant chant chant. Follow Tara. Look at Tara. Gosh, look at Tara. She's so beautiful, so nice, so lovely, so soft, so round in all the right... No. Spell. Don't look at Tara. Look at... look at the herbs. Yeah. Look at'em, smoking away there. Hi, little herb guys... or girls! They smell really nice too. Just like Tara does. Don't look at Tara. You managed to be non-lesbian for 18 years, you can do it for ten more minutes.

"Will? We... kinda have to look at each other if this is going to work."

"Right. Sure. Sorry." Gnnnnnnn...

"Black to white and warm to cold
Good to bad and young to old
From night make day, from day make night
Bring the Slayers' truth to light."

Look at Tara. Think about Buffy and Faith. Buffy. Faith. Buffy. Faith. In a completely non-sexy way. Never had a crush on Buffy, uh-uh. Especially not a couple of hours ago with the leather pants... wait, that wasn't her. That was Faith. Yuck. Buffy looks like Faith now. Buffy's downright ugly with Faithy badness. Need to fix Buffy. Chant. Look at Tara, but don't think of her that way. Think of Buffy. Think of Faith. Tara. Buffy. Faith. Tara. Buffy. Faith. Tara. Tarahands. Taralips. Taraboobs. No. Buffy. Faith. Buffyass. Faithboobs. GODDAMNIT FOCUS!

"Black to white and warm to cold
Good to bad and young to old
From night make day, from day make night
Bring the Slayers' truth to light."

After what felt like hours of this, the smoke from the herbs started to glow and finally solidified into an orb that Tara quickly snatched up (snatch is a perfectly good word, Rosenberg, no naughty connotations at all there) and put into a box.

Willow was about ready to topple over and melt into a fizzy little puddle of exhaustion and frustrated desire. "Are we done now?"

"Almost." Tara shifted uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact. "W-we just need to get this to Buffy and find Faith and have them both hold it. I just hope we did everything right."

"And it has to be as soon as possible, right? No time to waste with, uh, other activities?" Tara looked up and nodded with a sad smile, reaching out to carress her cheek. Willow pouted. "I knew it."

"SHUT UP! Do you think I'm afraid of you!? You're nothing! Disgusting! Murderous bitch! You're nothing! You're disgusting!" Faith was whaling on Buffy, who was taking a lot more punishment than she had expected. Finally, on the brink of getting knocked out, she managed to palm the katra and slam it into Faith's hand as she wound up for a killing punch.

There was a blinding pink glow as their hands almost fused with energy, and then Faith stumbled backwards, landing hard on her ass... or rather, Buffy's ass, as they were still very much in each others' bodies.

"The fuck...?" Faith looked up at Buffy, who was slowly starting to sit up, wincing in pain. Faith's face fell. "Oh, God, B... I'm so... what have I..." With tears in her eyes, Faith-in-Buffy scrambled to her feet and ran as if the Devil himself was after her.

As Buffy limped out of the church, her face swollen from the beating (though already healing) Willow ran up to help her. "Buff?" She grabbed Buffy-in-Faith and held on to her... y'know, 'cause she looked like she could keel over any second. Yup. No other reason. "You OK?"

"Man, I punch hard." Buffy glared at Giles, the pain in her jaw making it hard to talk. "This's all your fault, y'know. You're th' one who insissed on training me. Fai's been in a coma for eight monsh, not a whole lot of muscle here..." She turned to Willow. "Whe's Faith?"

"She took off."

"And you let'er?"

"Would you stand in the way of you?"

Buffy nodded. "Good point. Gilesh, you... you have to find her. She's shtill in my body, and she's... she's... jusht find her, OK? Pleashe?"

Giles got back in the car and drove off to enlist Xander and Anya in Operation Find Faith, and Willow and Tara helped Buffy sit down on a bench.

"So... the spell didn't work, huh?"


"Sorry 'bout that, but, y'know..." Willow laughed nervously, fidgeting with her shirt. "As bodies go... I mean, so what if you're stuck like this, would that really be... hey, if life gives you mel- uh, lemons..."

"Will, are you shtaring at my... Faith's boobs?"

"What?" Willow tried to force her eyes upwards. "No! Nosireebob, I... I... holy moly." She squirmed a bit.

"Anyway, you can let go o'me now, we're shitting down..." Buffy frowned. "How come the shpell did'n work, anyway?"

Tara looked back and forth between Buffy and Willow, suddenly seeming very anxious about something. "I-I w-w-was just thinking... M-maybe w-we should help Giles try to f-find Faith?"

"Wha? Giles? I'm sure he's doing just ..." Tara looked away, hurt, and she quickly changed her mind. "I mean, yeah, great plan Tara, finding Faith, hey, we're at church, right...? Buffy, are you gonna be OK on your own?"

"Yeah. Don' worry about me, I'm jusht gonna... get shome..." Buffy's eyes rolled over and she fell face first onto the ground, unconscious.

Willow and Tara looked at her.

Then they looked at each other.

Then they both sighed deeply, lifted Buffy up and started dragging her back to the dorm.

Back in Buffy and Willow's room, they laid Buffy on her bed and draped a blanket over her.

"Are you sure she's comfy?" Willow lifted the blanket to check. "I mean... tight jeans and all... and with the bruises... maybe we should..."

That was enough for Tara. "W-Willow... I know it's not my... I mean we j-just met but I thought you really..." She shook her head, gathering courage. "Two hours ago you were all over me and now you're ogling this girl that you say you hate except now she's your best friend and -"

Willow looked up in alarm. "What? No, Tara, really, I'm..." She realized she was pretty much eating up Buffy (or Faith) with her eyes, and felt a twinge of conscience. She took a deep breath, and also Tara's hands in her own. "OK, let's... uh... let's be rational here. Let's say I'm a psych student. And let's say maybe I've studied this person who used to have sort of a crush on her best friend and also thought that girl's colleague was really really hot except she didn't know how to deal with it cause hello straight Jewish nerd and so for years she sublimated into hero worship and hatred respectively and also she was killing people Faith not Buffy I mean so hey valid excuse but she still had this hangup about them but... it's just YOU I want Tara, I want you so much my head is about ready to go kablooie, but I kinda still have all the hangups I used to have and I always wondered what she looked like naked and I just said that out loud didn't I?"

Tara looked like she tried to be angry with Willow, but just couldn't bring herself to do it. "I-I get it. Really. I guess I... I trust you." She smiled and then looked at Buffy, blushing. "Plus... I guess... she is looking kind of, uh, uncomfortable..."

And so, amid many giggles, they helped get Buffy out of the tight, bloodied clothes and lay her out naked. Then they stood there, trying not to be too obvious in their checking out of each other and Faith... er, Buffy.


"Yeah. W-wow." Tara looked at her, a hungry grin creeping up her face on one side. "A-are you thinking what I'm... I mean, no one's going to come here for a while..."

"And..." Willow glanced at Fai-ffy's body one last time, "she's out cold, right?"

"Looks like. So she won't, uh, see anything..."

"And my bed is right... over... here..."

They melted into each others' arms and mouths and barely made it onto the bed. Willow had half-expected Tara to still be a little stand-offish, but instead she found herself being practically molested, Tara's hands diving under her shirt and then onto her breasts and there was clothes rippage and then there was Tarahand snapping open her pants and there was Tarahand and HELLO! oh yeah right there and then there was... a furious pounding at the door.

"DAMNIT!" Willow quickly tried to fix her clothes as she went over to open it and found -

Buffy. "Is B here?" Or, OK, Faith. Looking like she was ready to fall apart completely, tears and everything. Willow tried to slam the door on her, but Faith wouldn't let her. "Please, Willow, I just... I gotta know if she's OK. Lemme just talk to her, just once, and I swear I'll go away and... PLEASE!"

Cursing herself for her kindness, Willow opened the door and let Faith in. The Slayer made it three steps before she looked at Buffy and stopped cold. "I'm... she's... I'm naked." Faith frowned, then grinned despite herself. "Were you two checking me out?"


"Oh, you totally were!" Faith looked at her own body, cocking her head slightly. "Damn. Guess I can't blame ya."

"Faith...?" Buffy was coming to, and before Willow could react Faith was kneeling next to her, holding her hand.

"I'm here, baby. Sssh, don't talk, I'm sorry I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you I..."

"Yeah, you did." Buffy grinned. "But hey, it's what we do, right?"

Willow couldn't believe her eyes. Or rather, part of her could and the rest was outraged that it could. "OK, since when are you two...?" She turned to Tara, horrified. "Oh God. The spell. We made them gay."

"Nah, this has been going on a while." Faith gave Buffy a dopy grin. "Since... homecoming, right?"

"Yeah. Homecoming, and the patrol afterwards..." Buffy giggled. "Remember the Alpert crypt?"

"Oh." Tara realized something. "'Bring the Slayers' truth to light'... guess I could have phrased that better."

"But..." Willow was still processing this. "How... when... why..."

"Will... it's OK, really." Buffy didn't take her eyes off her own face. "I know there was all the evil and fighting and... when that spell hit, suddenly it was like... we could stop lying to ourselves, you know? We'd just been fighting ourselves all along, and it was..."

"Ssssh. Don't worry 'bout it." Faith leaned down and kissed Buffy in a spot that was less bruised than the others, and then swallowed hard. "I... I'm gonna have to turn myself in tomorrow, you know that, right? I can't go on running like this..."

"I'll wait for you. I promise."

OK, this is too fricking weird. Willow managed to take her eyes off the Slayers and turned to a very bemused Tara. "So how do we get them back in each others' bodies?"

One quick magic supply expedition to Tara's room later, they were running down the hallway with arms full of spellbooks and candles. Willow was grumbling about Slayers and evils and big bads and everything until Tara asked her if she didn't think it was kinda cute, mortal enemies finding true love and everything.

"CUTE? It's not cute! It's FAITH! How could she... it's not... it's just not FAIR!"

"So..." Tara couldn't help but grin. "Which one are you jealous of exactly?"

"What? Not jealous! I'm just..." Willow shook her head as they reached the dorm room. "You're right. I-I'm a bad friend. I should be supportive of Buffy here. Maybe you're right, maybe it is sorta cute..." She opened the door.

"OH GOD, FAITH! OH YES!" On Buffy's bed, both Slayers were now naked, the blonde one suckling the brunette's breast as she pumped three fingers in and out of her at a furious pace, causing Buffy to buck so hard she would probably have broken Faith's – which is to say her own – wrist if not for Slayer strength.

Willow's brain did the ctrl+alt+del thing ("Guh..."). Tara cleared her throat ("Ahem..."). Neither action had any effect whatsoever on the Slayers, who if anything seemed to go about fucking their respective brains out even more vigorously. And so the two witches and would-be lovers ended up going back out into the hallway. Tara held Willow's hand and Willow just stared blankly ahead, her jaw hanging loose, her poor mind showing nothing but error messages.

When they snuck back in ten minutes later, they found the two superlovebirds afterglowing in each others' sweaty arms. "Oh, hi guys."

"That... that..." Willow's brain started sputtering back to life. "'Hi guys'? After that, you just go 'Hi guys'?"

Buffy frowned. "Will... I'm sorry if this freaks you out, but..."

"No, not freaking!" Willow was freaking, and doing her best not to notice that Faith was casually licking her fingers. "Lesbian Slayers, no problem there. It's just that... you were... and in her body... and in your own body and... with yourself and... that's..."

Faith laughed. "C'mon, Red, you know what they say about masturbation? It's just sex with someone you love."

"You really mean that? You still love me?" Buffy made moony eyes at Faith, who met them with two big green puppy-dog eyes of her own.

"You know I do, B. Always have." And again with the kissage, which looked to progress as Buffy moved Faith's hand down towards her own...

"TARAAA!" Panicking, Willow grabbed a book and started leafing through it at random, looking for a bodyswitch spell – with no luck, as it was Buffy's Geology textbook. "We gotta put them back! Now!"

"OK. Let me just try this first, they say it works sometimes." Tara took a deep breath. "Let the spell be ended." There was a flash of green, and suddenly Faith and Buffy were kissing each other rather than themselves. "Hey, it worked."

"That's it?" Willow was white as a sheet, shaking her head. "'Let the spell be ended'? All of this and you just had to say that? You couldn't have thought of that sooner?"

"Sorry." Tara was trying not to laugh as she put her arm around Willow. "I didn't think it would work either, but... I guess we were both a little, uh, busy when we planned this...?"

"Willow..." Buffy jumped out of Faith's arms and looked her best friend (who was trying to ignore the fact that Buffy was stark naked) in the eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm... I mean, I know you had a strict upbringing and all, and you've never been chairwoman of the 'We Love Faith' fan club and... it just means a lot to me that the whole girl/girl thing doesn't freak you out."

Willow almost choked – whether with laughter or barely suppressed frustration she would never be able to tell. "Oh... uh... sure, Buff. You know I love you. In a non-sexy sorta sister-like way. If it makes you happy, then I'm happy. Hey, Xander and Cordelia, got over that one, right?" She moved to hug Buffy, then remembered the nakedness and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. "We're... gonna let you two crazy kids have some alone time."

"But... I don't want to throw you out, I mean it's your room too..."

"I-it's OK." Tara quickly grabbed Willow's arm and started pulling her away. "She can sleep in my room."

"If you're sure that's allright..."

"Oh yeah." Willow was letting herself be dragged out the door now. "All OK. No problem at all. Uh, have fun!"

Tara almost had to carry the still-shellshocked Willow back to her room. Once they got there, she led her over to the bed. Willow sat down like a boneless sack of potatoes, and then made a disgruntled noise as Tara let go of her. "No. C'mere... please... waited too long now..."

"Ssssh." Tara put a finger to her lips. "Just a minute."

"Nooo..." Willow groaned and fumbled for any part of Tara's anatomy, which just caused her to tip over onto the bed like a red-headed rag doll. "I'm here and you're here and it's been all day and weird Slayer sex and magic and naked friends and I can't take anymore of this..."

"I know, but I..." Tara blushed. "I-I just wanna see if I can make you go 'Wow'." She walked over to the radio and quickly found a channel with smooth jazz, then slowly started undoing her blouse as she turned around to face Willow...

...who was curled up on the safety of Tara's bed, sound asleep, snoring lightly, all the excitement and sleeplessness and emotional turmoil finally getting to her. Tara stood there looking at her for a while, smiling. Then she quickly got undressed, turned out the light, got into bed and spooned up behind Willow, kissed her hair and drifted off to sleep. After all, there was always tomorrow.

(Which, as it turned out, would contain plenty of "wow" for all of them, more than one of these coming from Xander when he happened to walk in on Buffy and Faith... but that's another story.)

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The authors own nothing. Joss, UPN, WB, etc. own Buffy, the show, the characters, the places, and the backstory. The authors own any original plots.